My 30's and 40's were my dark years, found in my 20-year marriage. My dark years were dark because of my own feelings about my self-worth and my husband's domineering character. I always was shy and quiet, and was happy there, I thought.
I had many outdated thoughts in my head. I think many of these thoughts were the values of my parent's generation. (I am a baby boomer). A WIFE doesn't need a career if she is married, she should be a dutiful wife supporting her husband in his career paths, raise the children, clean the house, etc. AND you marry for better or worth, till death do you part. Don't forget the most famous and untrue value....Artists can never make money...they will always be starving. I started rethinking my thoughts. I was a woman in changing times, I had to change my thoughts as I had to support myself and my children. My divorce became the beginning of my turning point. It was not easy. Divorce is never easy when children are involved. The marriage ended and everything changed, I had to go out in the world and find a job. I had no skills except domestic engineering, so I turned to retail. I still believed that there would be no money earned from art, plus I didn't consider myself an artist.
Until I broke through my darkness I never realized how dark my life was. Not to say, my children, all 5 of them didn't bring me joy and happiness, they did, and lots of it. Without them, I have no idea where I would be today. Not going into details, it is probably a story that many go through, and some really are still there in that dark place. It is a place that you don't have to stay in. My dark zone ended when I rediscovered my true passion.
It was still a struggle to find out who I was as a person, but as I continued to grow in my self-worth in the working world, I became more confident and as my children flew out of my nest. I began to find myself. I took an Art Class, step one. I was still working and my co-workers were curious to see my work, so one day after class I brought in my work, step two. Needless to say, it was the best thing I ever did, they loved it so much one of them asked me to paint her a picture of a LARGE magnolia. I said okay, and my story of art and color began.